so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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