I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
