never play flip cup with pint glasses
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
