Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
