after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
