...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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