i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
