Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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