do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
