Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
