does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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