sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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