I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
