apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
