i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Text me some of your sweat
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