Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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