well you can't waste a boner
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
