i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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