Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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