I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
