im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
