went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
