# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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