We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
