Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
