Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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