all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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