Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
