tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
