I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This gyro tastes like lonliness
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
