In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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