Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
