Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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