dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
