I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
