I haven't been this sober since birth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
