I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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