Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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