It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm too high and old for this...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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