Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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