My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
