Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
