i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
did i walk over a car last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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