I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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