Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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