You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
