I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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