they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
