They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Congratulations! We have a period
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
