I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
