so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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