I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
