i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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